Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
