Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
