Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
