he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
