I think my vagina is haunted
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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