Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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