why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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