I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Randomize
