SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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