i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
