dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
