Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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