Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
