last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
