He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
