My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
