i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
