my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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