Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You've changed since you got that strap on
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize