Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
