Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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