Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
