I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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