: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
We named our party play list daddy issues
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
