Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
