Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
