can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Even my vagina gasped.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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