I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
