Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
