3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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