I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
