Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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