Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
