my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I think I won the penis lottery.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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