shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
