you guys were way drunker than both of me
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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