We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
