and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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