At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
