He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
