I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Randomize
