Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
