i think my tv is drunk
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
