If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
