you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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