My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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