Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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