I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
And then he peed in my hair
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