Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
please come you make the beer taste better
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
