Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
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