I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
