So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
