i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
