Absence makes the cock grow harder.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
