I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Someone signed my nipple.
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