so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
