Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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