Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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