I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
