We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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