I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
