She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
