I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
