that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
