I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
my penis made a compromise with my morals
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
