Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
