So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
this is an emotional support booty call
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
