his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
