need another drink. this is the easiest way
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
