I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
