I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
