My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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