I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
