I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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